I haven't got enough courage until now to write the story of Carly.On January 9, 2011, we found out through a pregnancy test we were pregnant. We couldn't believe. After nine months of waiting and going through a couple of tests, we didn't know if this was real or not! The next Monday I went into one of the doctor's offices the offered free pregnancy test, and sure enough we were going to have our first baby!
I couldn't wait until April 20th, the day we found out the gender! Mark knew for sure it was a girl, for the mere reason we were the last to have a baby in his family and everyone had a girl first. Sure enough, Carly was not modest in showing us what she was. Our baby was a little girl! We had butterflies in our stomachs! We were so thrilled! We got home and called everyone we could possibly think of! We knew this was a life changing experience.
Continuing, we graduated April 29th for Utah Valley University in education. We were on our way to having a "real" job! We packed up our stuff and moved to a neighbor's garage in Idaho, and we were off to Washington for a summer job. All this made me really emotional being pregnant and all! (didn't know what was coming) It was a great summer with family. We helped Mark's dad mow lawns and we played all summer long. We came home (Idaho) a couple of times. One of the times I had a wonderful baby shower. I got a plethora of things ranging from the cutest clothes (many which were pink) to a baby stroller. My mother and Diane put it on for me. This made me even more antsy for Carly to come. We were thrilled!
All through the pregnancy the doctors informed that our baby was perfectly healthy. At 31 weeks we had a 3D ultrasound to check if the placenta was in the right place (at the 20 week it was low). They couldn't see it so they did a vaginal ultrasound. They said everything was perfectly normal besides she had a long tongue :) -she got it from her dad.
Throughout the summer, we continued to look for Mark a job- this was stressful and yes, emotional. At 37 weeks of my pregnancy he was offered a job in my hometown of Bancroft! This was perfect I didn't have to worry about how to get my mother to Washington in order to have the baby. I would be close to my family. It was all coming together. We moved back to Bancroft and frantically started looking for a doctor and a house. We found both after much work and stress. We could finally get Carly's room set up! My mom painted her room and part of our house. While I put together her crib and got other things cute and ready for her arrival.
I had an appointment with my new doctor. The only worry he had was that I was measuring small. Therefore, I went into get another ultrasound and the tech told us everything was normal, in fact, FOUR times she mentioned how strong her heart was! My mom asked if she had hair, and she told us she didn't think so. :)
We had our house set up, Carly's room set up, the carseat and diaper bag ready to go in the car. We were READY FOR CARLY! She was due on Friday, August 26, 2011. So August 26th rolled around and still no Carly; however, my mucus plug broke (good sign). Now we really were jumping for joy. We both had a hard time getting to sleep that night. We played with Carly as we usually did each night. Mark sang and talked to her and felt her move. We had a bond with her before she even came!
Friday morning, is when it started. I started to feel labor pains. Yet they were far apart and they weren't hard. That night Mark said "Today we are going to have a new baby! Our lives are going to change!" They were indeed! So Friday morning, Mark went to the school first thing to do his lesson plans, while my mom and I went for a walk to get labor going. It didn't really work, so we came back to my place. We were just sitting and talking when out of the blue my mom asked if I had felt the baby move. (she doesn't remember asking this) I said I don't know, it's hard to tell the difference between movement and contractions. So we called the hospital. They advised me to drink two cold glasses of water, lay on my side, and if they baby doesn't move within an hour come in. At this point I was getting nervous and scared. I wanted my baby alive. Nothing bad could happen to me. We were having our first little girl and it was suppose to be an exciting moment in time! After 20 minutes I could not lay any longer; we had to go to the hospital to play it safe! We loaded up and Mark drove me there, with my mom following behind in her car.
I was still hopeful on the way. I knew something was wrong but I thought it would surely be fixed. On the way there, Mark was very enthusiastic ready to have this baby! He couldn't wait any longer. He is usually like an older person driving a car, but on the way to the hospital he was a different person.
We got to the hospital and they put me in a room. First thing they did was lay me down and put a fetal monitor on me. The nurse could not hear the heartbeat. And then to make matters worse she said: "We usually hear the heartbeat on this. I will get the resident doctor to check you with a small ultrasound." The resident took about fifteen minutes trying to find a heartbeat, she couldn't find one (but I still had a little hope because she was inexperienced) However, I was crying by this time; I knew something had to really wrong. So finally they brought the tech in with her big machine. I couldn't watch! Mark said the heart monitor never went off it was a straight line. And finally I heard the tech say those are the four chambers. My mom said nothing moved as they showed the four chambers. Then I heard what a mother should never have to hear. I heard the resident doctor say, " I will tell them." And then she told us. She told the worse news I will ever hear in my life. That my baby would be stillborn. (I can't write this without bawling)! Right then and there Mark grabbed me in his arms and we cried like we never had or will right there. I couldn't believe it! Everything was perfect my whole pregnancy until now!!!! How could this happen! I felt like I let everyone down at that moment. I felt like it was my fault. So may what if's ran through my head. Yet I still had a little hope! They let me rest a little while and grieve before I had to give birth to my baby who would not be alive. My mom told me this would be the hardest thing I would have to go through. I said, "I sure hope so!" An hour later I was far enough along I figured I better start with the pain killers and start the birthing process. The medicine they gave me made me sick so I started throwing up. Throwing up made my water break. When I was dialated to a 7 they finally gave me and epidural. All throughout this process, I wanted to stop I didn't want to do it!!! Mark and I were both sobbing throughout it all. Finally after 5 hours, Carly was born. They brought her above my legs and I saw her. I wanted her to cry, but nothing. Her eyes were still closed!!! Again, I cried out loud. This would be the longest but the shortest night I will ever go through! They went to clean Carly up while I rested. I just wanted to see her! After about an hour they brought her to me. She was beautiful with a head full of hair. As they handed her to me, I was about to throw up, so I handed her to Mark. (perfect way to greet your baby) Finally I got to hold her in my arm. Oh, how I just wanted her to cry and open her eye, but instead she was cold. However, I was SO grateful we could hold her and kiss her. The nurses and bereavement crew were so compassionate and kind. That night all who came held her. Then they gave Mark and I a room for the night. I did not sleep the whole night. For I knew this would be the only time I had with my baby. I held her the whole night besides when they had to take her to put lotion on her. And put her on ICE. I couldn't take it. Usually when your baby is born you want to wrap them up and keep them warm, but instead I had to put her on ICE. Those few hours I had with Mark and Carly I will never forget. They were precious and priceless. I have never appreciated the atonement more than I have these last few month and that night! The Lord had a hand in everything. How everything just happened; it couldn't have happened without the Lord's help. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have about forever families. I know I will be with my Carly again!
The very next morning. We held her together in my bed and talked to her and to eachother. We cried with each other, and we comforted one another. It was so nice to have the ones you love by you! And then the hardest part out of anything I had to do was coming. I had to give my precious angel to the mortition and say good bye!!!! I couldn't do it! I can't! But I had to! I wrapped her up in a blanket and let her go!!!! Until we meet again my precious Carly. At the funeral I got to see her one more time and give her kisses, but until then may the Heavenly Angels watch over you and be with me, Mark, and you to keep us together. I know I have you forever, but it is so hard not to have you now. I look forward with great hope and faith to the day I get to hold you again in my arms and be with you. And on that day we can cry , laugh and talk together. Until that day may I work hard so I can get to you and my Heavenly Father. I love you Carly. I will never forget you! Watch over me and help me! I want to be good to return with you and my family. Daddy and I will always love you and work hard to see you!
Carly Marie Dodge passed away due to her umbilical cord having knot in it. The knot was created late in 20 weeks in the pregnancy but didn't tighten until the early hours of labor. When she dropped the knot tightened, causing all nutrients to be stopped. She was born at 7:24 p.m on August 27, 2011. She was 6 lbs. 9 oz. and 21 inches long. Her funeral service was held August 29th at 5 p.m. She is our little angel watching over our family.
